4 relationship red flags to look out for

Low self-esteem

Having low self-esteem is common among many people. Within a relationship, it can create issues of insecurity and dependence on partners for validation and approval.

“Low self-esteem can be a red flag for relationships because what we know is that ‘reassurance never reassures,” says Dr Marianne Trent, Clinical Psychologist and Host of The Aspiring Psychologist Podcast. “We need to be able to validate and soothe ourselves. When it feels like we always need this validation to be from an external source and often from the same person, this can be exhausting and lead to the other partner feeling frustrated. This results in relationship ruptures and creates a self-perpetuating vicious cycle.”

Love-bombing

Love-bombing is something of a buzzword in the dating world. It describes a behaviour that is, at its core, controlling. Love bombing manipulates the other person into thinking that their partner loves them.

It often happens during the beginning of new relationships or at relationship cruxes. For example, it may happen if you and your partner are at a point where you’re thinking of ending the relationship

“On the surface, love-bombing may feel positive and affectionate,” says Dr Trent. “It might involve encouraging you not to do something you want to do because they want to spend time spoiling you. This might also look like excessive checking that you’re okay and asking where you are. For the partner being loved-bombed, this can quickly feel stifling and lead to conflict within relationships.”

Jealousy

Jealousy is a very natural human behaviour, but within a relationship, it can very often lead to conflict – especially if jealousy manifests into general possessiveness.

“Being jealous can be a sign of a trauma either from childhood or from an earlier time in the current or a past relationship,” says Dr Trent. “Insecurity and low self-esteem can also be part of jealousy.

“It might also be a sign that either or both partners are not having their needs for being respected and trusted met.”

Gaslighting

Gaslighting can impact both long-term and new relationships. It’s where a person may undermine another’s belief in themselves and their actions.

“Gaslighting might crop up with someone who is trying to make you think that an action was ‘your fault’ or that you ‘made them do something,” says Dr Trent. “A truly loving, respected and committed relationship should be one based on free will, choice and an ability to self-advocate while also living true to our own values,”

If we are constantly walking on eggshells for fear that we may upset someone or we believe we are overly responsible for minor negative events or occurrences within a relationship, then this can be a sign that there is gaslighting and control happening.